Thursday, June 01, 2006

One more thing

To all you other transwomen out there bitching about not being accepted into women only spaces I have this to say to you: TOUGH.
Especially because of some of the shit I've heard you pull. Oen story I heard of a transwomen pre-op who passed well showed her penis thingy in a womens bath and they freaked. WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU THINKING? All you did was make all of the rest of us look bad and make it harder for us to get where we want to be. Also, how can you show that thing to others? I would be frightened to damn it. I'd think I Was going to get raped.
If you are SOOOO female then you'd understand why we can't be everywhere women are allowed. Especially if you are pre-op or are a well known transwoman. honestly, just get the clip and I doubt anyone will notice. Don't make it an issue. People ask what I was like growing up I tell them I was andro and raised in a weird fashion. Its the truth. They don't need to know about my genetic defects. Do intersexed people who decided themselves, to fix things with surgery have to go around telling others they were intersexed? I think not. IF asked if I was trans I'd say yes and move on. Thats about it.
Stop freaking out about not being accept 100% as women. You won't be, I won't be. Live with it, move on. Maybe we would be accepted more if we didn't shut down womens events because they would not let us in. Often what happens in some corners of the world is that women make a women born women only space. Then trans women get uppity and file a lawsuit saying it is discriminatory. Then it gets canceled. You know that earns us NO friends. Make your own damn space in response that only trans women can go to. I won't be there, I won't be at either space. I will be off playing video games or Making out with some girl.

I had male privilege? Let me check. Beware the "feminazi" comments.

I spend a lot of my time reading about male privilege Being only 23 and never been out in the work force and being of ambiguous gender with no male role models I missed out on a lot of that. But there is a checklist and I shall go voer it and comment because I can. I will be posting my responses to the numbers read the link yourself for what I am responding to. - No real clue here. I have never been in the workforce as a quote "male" so I wouldn't know. I am going into the workforce for the first time in my life and as a female. I will never experience this bit of privilege.
2 - Again, being only 23 years old with no work experience and just getting in the field this doesn't apply.
3 - This would apply if I was in a field where promotions happened.
4 - God darned it will. Reminds me of talking to Mayor Mary Claire Higgins of Northampton MA. IF she did poorly it would be a black mark against lesbians in office She has since been re-elected many times so I think its okay.
5 - Job related male privilege is not something I will ever have. I know what its like to be a women in the work force from countless women who I look up to or who I have listened to.
6 - Never been in the workforce. I am going into it as a woman and I know shit like a man being praised more for the same amount of work as me. If you can't tell I think very little of men. If I had been born with the right parts I'd be a lesbian separatist Because of my inbuilt Chasity belt I can't be one even with it fixed.
7 - Rape you say? Gawd, I have always feared being raped. I think I have a better chance of being raped is more likely I will get raped out of jail than in jail. Moreover, because I still have a built in chastity belt , my odds of being slain by said rapist are higher than that for a normal women. Ever think of that?
8 - I have always feared walking alone in public spaces. Probably because of the fact I Was so damn androgynous. Probably because I grew up in random bad neighborhoods Probably because I saw women being afraid of it on tv. As I got older and learned of rape I got twice as scared to walk alone. I never even thought that I was safe being male. Thinking back logically I was a tad safer but the fact that I dressed and looked really andro sort of canceled it out.
9 - I would love to have the option of bearing children. I probably wouldn't, but I would have liked the option. Technically, I can have offspring due to freezing icky nasty stuff from that part of my body which does not exist. I did it for my mother. Let me tell you, it felt like one of the worst violations imaginable. Icky yucky. I never touch it. I always peed sitting down thank you very much. This caused me to get into tons of trouble.
10 - No I won't. Not at all man. Probably because I"m a very young transwomen that this will never be a factor.
11 - Not really sure about this. Not a situation I will have the "pleasure" of being in.
12 - children and a career... yeah I"ll be called selfish alright. But maybe not as much if I have a stay at home female partner. I"ll be told I"m selfish for not having a man to raise them with. Stupid men.
13 - IT will be totally scrutinized. I might even be outed for being trans at that point. That would create one big lovely mess in my life. I should avoid it.
14 - Nope. If you count my "birth sex" yeah. I don't identify with them. Never have. They don't represent anything about me at all. Most of them just want power to have more women and money and booze. Thats what I think anyway.
15 - A Gain, I'm just young enough to miss this aspect of male privilege. I'm sure my being andro fits into this somehow. Not sure how.
16 - I was an only child. I was encouraged to not be seen and not be heard by all but my mother. My mother encouraged me to be artistic and creative. To tell stories. I preferred video games and computer games. These were my escapes. I was usually upset over not having good female main characters. I loved the dungeons and dragons games because I could make my own characters. I loved Phantasy star and metroid. Honestly, most of my female role models come from video games now that I think of it.
17 - Not really. I didn't have any attraction to the male ones. I always looked for women. My mother often commented "Its like I'm raising a daughter". Guess what? You were.
18 - Because I wore big baggy shirts and kept my head down I didn't get called on as often by a lot of teachers. Though, I would talk to a lot of teachers after class about the subject because it interested me.
19 - I have no clue here. I am too inexperienced in the world of men AND women.
20 - Yeah, I could find people of "my own sex" though I didn't really pay them any heed. They didn't do it for me. Probably because I didn't seek them out. I didn't think to.
21 - I'm a shop a holic. I do not buy clothes often. Mostly games and gaming materials. I am such a geek.
22 - I am just learning how to drive. MY therapist, an awesome elderly lesbian, promised to teach me come July.
23 - Uhhh this isn't true for me. Maybe if I wasn't young and trans.
24 - It would darn it. Besides, I can't have sex. I have an inbuilt painful chastity belt. I'm thinking of men who say "Its like a built in strap on!" ell, some transwomen say that. I respond with "WTF are you crazy? You want to have sex with that thing? Doesn't it hurt when its touched?" I don't get along with transwomen at all.
25 - It was. But I met a few andro bio-girls growing up so it wasn't too far off to being similar. However, what my clothing said to the world was mostly "leave me alone" or "Does this shirt make it hard for you to determine my sex?". Being designated male may have allowed me to do it. I can't be sure. Most people didn't believe I was until they saw my genitals or heard my name. Even with the name sometimes, meh.
26 - Back when I didn't care about my appearance because I was afraid of the world and myself, thats totally true. If I Was bio-girl I probably wouldn't have chosen to be andro. I would have been picked on for being a tomboy. I would have gotten into lots of trouble for beating up males. Possibly gotten raped for it.
27 - If I buy a car I"ll get a bad deal. Never had the experience of buying one as a "male". Though, being andro I probably wouldn't have gotten a good deal.
28 - I think being a transwomen I have to worry MORE about being attractive than a bio-girl. Probably because I want to find another girl to be with once I get rid of this chastity belt. Currently I can't go to the gym, I can't do sports, I can't do a lot of what I want to do with my life until I get rid of it.29 - I have totally embraced being called a bitch over my years online. Being online was the only place I could be female and treated as a female. I was the bitchy girl a lot of other girls looked up to, to put the stupid men in their place.
30 - Not anymore. I may have had the chance to do it, but it never came up so I never felt it.
31 - I've always said "all people are equal" or "All women are equal". Because of my quasi-male status this got me beat up by some people. Though the girls always liked me.
32 - True that. I don't have a uterus. Though I suspect that people will still mention it when I"m being pissy.
33 - Not sure how this works when two girls get married. But if I married a stupid man well yeah. There would be problems. MY mom didn't change hers. Go mom!
34 - Because I have no uterus this will not be a factor. I guess that, thats more trans privilege than male privilege in this case.
35 - I was raised pagan. Guess whose on my list of totems? Athena, Freya, kitsune, Aphrodite, and bast. There are a few male deities but thats because there are no females to represent what they do.
36 - Well I was strongly against religions that did that. Being very vocal about how women should be in charge. As I have said before, this earned me no male friends. Being a geek did, my views on the sexes did not.
37 - Honestly, I'd prefer to stay at home. How dare you say taking care of the home is unrewarding! Making something dirty clean again is a good feeling damn it. Though, my own space will always be a mess.
38 - I expect to have to do that part. I always wanted to as a kid. But I think I will adopt before I reproduce.
39 - Any girl I am with gets the career. Hopefully she is a business type. I like those best. Being trans, I doubt I will ever find someone though.
40 - Most of my lesbians friends tend to like looking at scantily clad women so I am not sure about how to respond to this one.
41 - I hate being underweight IT may be expected but I will not follow this trend. Hell, I can't seem to gain weight. I will be made fun of for it but whatever I am use to it being an andro geek.
42 - Not heterosexual, I have heard of women beating women. I have not gone into any relationships being thought of as male so meh.
43 - I had that growing up. With breasts and being andro not sure it will matter much anymore. And whatever parts of it I will still have will be tossed off with the chastity belt of sexual doom +100.

Growing Up Andro with Female Role Models aka I"m a feminazi

First off I'm a transwomen. Second off, I'm not a "typical transwomen". Third off, I don't care, its an intersexed condition as far as I am concerned (more on that on some other post). Now let me tell you what it was like so you might understand a few things. Fourth off, The point of this blog will be to give a new perspective on the world to everyone else. Fifth off, I am NOT transgendered at all. MY gender is not and has not changed. If my genitals were not weird I would be considered a tomboy. Too femme to be butch, too butch to be femme. Transexed is the best term available.
When I grew up I did not have many role models I identified with. Yeah, there were tons of male role models. They just didn't really catch my eye. I ended up having to find my role models in books and some tv. Red Fraggle, Pippy Long Stocking, Miss Piggy, A-ko, and Joan of Arc to name a few. As I got older I would spend a lot of my time, no one encouraged this, telling people that men sucked. Women were better. This got me beat up because well they thought I was trying to steal their girlfriends with my rhetoric I taught it to myself. Did not come from my mom. A lot of the time people thought I was a girl sometimes they thought I was a guy. Ultimately I was a social outcast for being an andro geek. beat up constantly. I formed bonds with mostly women. I had a few with men who were geeky outcasts but those were different, more fellow geek bonding.
People got often told me "Wait, you are a guy aren't you?" when I told them that women were better. It amused me because my primary totems are fox spirit and kitsune. Which, for you spiritual types, might be why I am trans. Sort of as a joke.
But thats not the point. I had lots of nice elderly men as teachers and downright bitchy women. At home I was abused by my father and half brother. So why did I often speak out against men? I'm not sure. It was just natural for me to. People used to ask me if I was really a boy sometimes. In truth, I wasn't really.
I wore extra large shirts on a very very skinny frame. I did this to hide my body and myself. I sort of didn't want people to see this. Looking back, its because I was ashamed of it. It wasn't right. I HATED being in the mens locker room. I would change in the bathroom. I was afraid of them beating and raping me at all the schools I went to.
What sex was I? Did it matter? Why did I think there was a hole where there was a pole? Because I am a genetic fuck up. Screwed up genes and such. It happens. But for the most part I was andro.